i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
