that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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