My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
