It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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