I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
