My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
