Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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