i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
