Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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