I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
