Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
