Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
