On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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