I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
