I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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