So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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