i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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