What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
