Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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