How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is Oprah even human
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
