he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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