Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize