The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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