thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
