they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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