I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
