Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
