her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i may or may not be watching the land before time
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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