Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
