Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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