why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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