I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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