I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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