got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I did not marry a roomba.
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