you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
