All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
