So drunk its hurt
I will die if light touches me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
