It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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