I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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