Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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