I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
