I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
