I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
