So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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We don't watch enough power rangers
I am one with the molecules
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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