I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
