Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
