Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
