Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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