Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
