Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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