I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
