also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
