Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
