You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
