I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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