just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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