At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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