dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
