i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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