So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
