Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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