so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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