The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
